man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
