1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Pants are for mortals
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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