If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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