I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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