Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
