Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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