lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
