there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it glows. i had to have it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize