i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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