i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
