my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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