Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
