You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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