I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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