Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize