I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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