Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
