What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
