Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
