Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Will you blow on my dice?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
