The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize