Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
