The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
