well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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