Acid is not a monday night drug
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
