Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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