Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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