After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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