While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
