He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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