It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
