I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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