Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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