i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
