She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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