sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
