Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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