I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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