Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if only i could text you this smell
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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