I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize