Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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