I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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