I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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