I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
