My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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