He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
