areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
