3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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