He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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