Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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