I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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