I wanna bring you to show and tell
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
