Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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