he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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