I am in a vortex of obligation.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize