Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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