I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
