I'm jealous of your bromance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
