If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
