he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize