theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
