i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
