What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
