I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
