I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
