so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
