im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize