I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
