i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
