After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
