Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
