the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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