That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
